This post is sponsored by the Association for Fast Food Reformation Association and written by Ev. Be slightly amused by more posts from Ev, here.
Dear Fast Food Restaurants,
I love you. Thank you for the convenience that you provide me and millions of other people in these great United States. I’d also like to compliment you on the taste of some of your food. Additionally, about .84% of your offerings provide some nutritional value, so thanks for that.
Unfortunately, you have one great weakness: your employees. They are more rude than a Mel Gibson drunken tirade. Why does my self-esteem get lowered every time I dine in your establishments? I understand that you probably don’t get a lot of applicants who graduated from the Harvard School of Business, but here’s a little tip: when you are interviewing potential employees, if they never smile, can barely communicate in complete sentences, or have the personality of a Rottweiler, then please don’t put them on front counter duty.
Because I volunteered in the food tent at the 1985 Sun’n Fun International Fly In, I feel competent to share some pointers with you. If you would please post these tips in the employee break room, America would be grateful.
How to be a somewhat adequate employee:
- Pretend that you are happy at least 2 times every hour.
- Google “hygiene” then figure out how you can put what you learn into practice before your next shift. For example, If you have a huge zit, put a band-aid over it.
- “Yeah” and a head nod are less effective than “Can I take your order, sir?”
- Eye contact is an important part of non-verbal communication; therefore, attempt to make at least fleeting eye contact with the customer once during the order-taking process.
- When you are wiping down the tables, if possible, try to use a clean rag that doesn’t smell like dirty mop bucket water.
- Go to Chick-Fil-A and watch how they do it, then come back to our store and do the same thing.
- Watch this video, and try to realize that she is making fun of you.
Do you have any other tips you would give to fast food restaurants?