This attempt at humor was written by Steve last year at this time, but is even truer today than it was then. Get more Steve right here.
Dear Football Season,
It has definitely been an interesting summer, but we can now reaffirm that you are the one we really love. Sure, we’ve spent more than a few evenings with Baseball over the last few months, but it means nothing to us. Hockey occasionally sends us a text but we always ignore it and just act like it never came through. If Hockey is ever bold enough to actually call, we always forward it straight to our voicemail and never check the message. To be honest, we did hang out a little with Basketball during the playoffs, but it was more of fling, and nothing more. You are now less than one week away, but you can’t get here soon enough. Wives and girlfriends may scoff at you, but we don’t care. Please return to us, and quickly.
Dear Sports Drinks,
It seems you may be having some sort of identity crisis which causes me to ask the following question: Why do you insist on trying to be something that you’re not? When I was growing up, I enjoyed flavors like Orange, Grape, and Cherry. Now, I go to a convenience store and all I see are drinks with names like Fierce Rain, Manic Mango Madness, or Radical Essence of Rainbow. I know peer pressure is increasingly prevalent in the hydration beverage business, but I’m never sure what flavor to expect when I put you to my lips. It’s very disconcerting. Do you even know what you’re supposed to taste like anymore? Please know that I love you just the way you were and want to encourage you to return to the same old clearly named drinks I once enjoyed.
A Confused and Concerned Beverage Drinker