look closely and you can see my iPhone stuffed in that beard
I have been growing a massive beard over the last couple of months, and this is the last week of it’s existence (much to the delight of my wife). I shave it off on Easter Sunday (it was a Lenten thing).
Surprisingly, there have been many unexpected benefits to having this beard. For your reading pleasure, here are four…
- Fear Factor. People treat you differently when you are sporting a miniature raccoon on your chin. Old ladies and children avoid me. People lock their car doors when they see me coming. I get free food at restaurants, and people hand me their wallets and purses.
- Storage. I have been sad about the demise of cargo pants for some time now, but my beard has been the healing balm that I’ve needed. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how many things will fit in my beard. I can hold snacks for later, a credit card, my keys, and a chess board. The Snickers was a mistake though. I didn’t realize how warm it would be in there.
- Padding. I have begun my training as an MMA fighter because I cannot feel any blows to my face – the beard absorbs it all. I got hit by a Justin Verlander fast ball directly in the chin, and didn’t feel a thing. In fact, the ball fell softly at my feet upon impact.
you're going to have to throw harder than 96mph in order for me to feel anything, Justin
- Hygiene. Did you know that facial hair can be used as dental floss?
In short, everyone should have a huge beard like mine at least once in his life (or her life, whatever the case may be).
