This food edition of IF . . . THEN is brought to you by Steve.
IF sanitation grades are so important THEN why don’t they display them at the drive-through menu, instead of the pick-up window? I’ve already paid for my food at that point and I can only look in horror at the 84.5 rating that stands between me and indulgent satisfaction. You got me this time, McDonald’s, but never again . . . well, maybe again . . . probably again . . . OK, you’ll definitely get me again, but just know that I’m on to you.
IF people are trying to fool you by thinking they’re getting a salad to be healthy THEN they shouldn’t cover it with two types of meat, a full basket of croutons, a pint of chipotle ranch dressing, a 16 oz. package of shredded cheese, and 3 handfuls of bacon bits. (Oh waaaaaait, they’re actually imitation bacon bits. I take it all back.) It’s almost like the lettuce is an ancient treasure and can only be located and uncovered after decades of intense research and careful excavation.
Sometimes the Lettuce Likes to Play Hide-and-Seek.
