I (Ev) posted this sometime back, but it’s worth posting again. Everyone likes a good throw-up story.
WARNING: This story is about me unloading previously eaten food. It’s rather funny, but just wanted to warn you.
One of the things I received from my mom is motion sickness (thanks mom!). The older I get the worse it gets. I have more throw up stories than the Yankees have world championships. My condition is extremely grave, and I have to be careful simply turning the corner in the hallway too quickly.
One amazing Florida morning, when I was in 6th grade, I woke up to a cool breeze outside and some rumbling on the inside. Not being the wisest kid north of the Everglades, I chose to inhale a big bowl of Fruit Loops. (To be honest they were the generic version of Fruit Loops. Well, to be really honest, I have no idea what cereal I ate that morning.)
Waiting outside for the bus, I had that horrible pre-puke feeling. You know what I’m talking about, right? I could tell that it was coming, but I thought it could be overcome through sure will power, so I decided to ignore the warning signs and proceed to get on the bus. That big, smelly, moving bus. With a belly full milk and cereal. Because I’m stupid. It’s like there is a demon whose job is to argue me out of being smart simply to get me to look like an idiot so the other demons can laugh at me.
I was sitting in the first row of the bus, passenger side, when I came face-to-face with the terrifying reality that there was no way my cereal was going to be digesting the normal way today. Looking around for somewhere to let it out, I realized my options were limited. I could splatter it on the floor, but I remembered when another kid did that and it made the whole bus stink, plus everyone screamed and yelled as it rolled down the aisle. There was no way I was doing that. I could go in my backpack but that would ruin it, and I couldn’t figure out how I would get it and the contents cleaned out.
Then it came to me – the perfect idea. I could simply projectile it out the window and save myself from most of the embarrassment. Only a few people would see it and it would be over quickly. I stood up, put my head out the window and let out out a deep, guttural heave. Judging from the force with which breakfast was passing through my lips, matched against the force of the wind pushing against my face, I knew that I was embarking on one of the worst moments of my short life.
Almost immediately people from the back of the bus started screaming. Their windows were covered with…stuff, and unfortunately, some of the windows were down. I still feel badly for Crystal. I hope she was able to get most if out of her hair. Some of the other students kindly informed me that the whole side of the bus was covered. Never had there been such excitement on the morning bus ride – with equal parts disgust and amazement at my talents. The next 10 minutes were horrible, but the worst part was yet to come.
Upon arriving at the school, the entire student body – all 48,000 students (or so it seemed to me) were there to admire my work. I was hoping that if I sunk down in my seat no one would know it was me. But, alas, everyone else quickly exited the bus proclaiming that I was the artist of this masterpiece. Eventually, the bus driver made me face the crowd of jeering hyenas, and I took the walk of shame down the bus steps and off to the the school nurse. The good news is that I had never experienced such loud cheers.
At least I didn’t have to clean the bus off. Oh wait, they made me do that too.