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There’s always somebody . . .
. . . at work who sends every single email message out marked with the bright red exclamation point for Urgent. This is usually a person who gets self-worth out of seeing other people do the things he asks them to do and tends to think his work is a few notches higher on the importance scale than everyone else’s.
Drop Everything, Read This
Not that there isn’t a time and place for the Urgent red exclamation point to be used, but a little discretion would be nice. For example, a fast approaching deadline or late change in a meeting time are both good reasons to use the Urgent notation. However, here are a few emails that do not require this notice:
1) Letting the whole office know that the spaghetti stains need to be immediately cleaned out of the community microwave.
2) Notifying all staff that there will be a meeting of the building and grounds committee in 3 weeks to discuss new protocol for dealing with the growing number of stray squirrels in the parking lot.
Also, if you send every email this way, then we may actually miss out on emails that do need to be read. In the future, please save the exclamation point only for emails that have some semblance of importance.
Hmmmmm . . . How Can I Make Myself Seem More Important?
There’s always somebody . . .
. . . on the golf course who is absolutely awful and feels the need to get completely exasperated and angry after every bad shot. Here’s a news flash: every shot you’ve hit all day has been terrible, so you shouldn’t be surprised that your latest swing was just as bad. I’ll add a qualifier here and let you know that I am miserable at golf myself and sometimes fall into this category from time to time, but at least I’m self-aware. Here’s a typical hole for this type of golfer (minus the obligatory profanity):
Par 4 – 397 Yards.
Drive – The ball is topped off the club face, bounces on the ground 15 feet in front of the tee box and skids into the woods.
Reaction: “Aaaaaaah, I can’t believe I just did that! I’m taking a mulligan.” – Hat is flung off head in utter shock and disbelief.
Swing 2 (not including the penalty stroke):
Drive (again): Similar result except the ball only travels 9 feet before hitting the ground. It still skids into the woods.
Reaction: “Aaaaaah, I hate this club!! Whatever, I’ll just play it from there. I never do that twice in a row! I hate these stupid tee boxes!” – Driver is violently thrown in the direction of the cart path.
5-iron shot from the rough (after the ball was kicked out from behind a tree while his partners were pretending not to watch): Ball gets in the air this time and carries for a decent distance but has a horrible slice and flies onto the opposite fairway.
Reaction: “That is awful! I never slice the ball like that on the range.” – Club is slammed to the ground in disgust.
7-iron shot from opposite fairway (after having to wait for 2 groups to play their balls on the correct fairway): A mis-hit low liner that draws back through the woods, miraculously missing all the trees, careening off the up-slope, and coming to rest on the fairway within 2 feet of the lake that protects the green.
Reaction: “Finally, it’s about time! That’s the first shot today that did what I wanted it to do.” – Attempts to give a fist-pound to his patiently waiting partner in the cart.
It's Not the Club's Fault, My Friend
Swings 5, 6, and 7:
Sand wedge: Ball is topped and trickles into the lake.
Reaction: “C’mon, man! Are you serious?! My short game is usually on point! I can’t believe this, seriously!
Swing 8 (not including 3 penalty strokes):
Putter (after taking advice from buddy to just take a free drop and place the ball on the green): The ball is smacked twice as hard as it needs to be and sails 15 feet downhill past the hole.
Reaction: “Great, here we go again!” – Putter is mashed into the ground, creating a huge divot, which he doesn’t fix.
Putter: Ball is barely tapped and travels halfway to the hole.
Reaction: “Why can’t I ever figure these stupid greens out?!” – Putter is again vigorously mashed into the ground, creating another sizeable divot, which he again doesn’t fix.
Putter: The ball is finally hit at the proper pace, takes a great line and drops into the center of the cup.
Reaction: “Whew, at least I saved my double-bogey. Yeah, put me down for a 6.”
The moral of the story is that it’s one thing to be bad, but please don’t be bad and pretend that you’ve ever been good. I’ll try to remember this myself the next time I play golf again . . . if I ever play again.
Good News, Only 17 Holes to Go